La Crosse, Wisconsin

OK . . . so I'm here now!!

There has been a lot going on in my life, but I just have not had time to write about it. For some time I have been working on the task of selling my home, and moving to La Crosse. My house is now sold, as of yesterday, and I should be elated, but I spent the greater part of yesterday fretting, and ended up the day on the phone with my mother, crying.

Why??

Well, there is a small hitch with the sale. I hope to work out the details. Essentially, my own conscience is going to make me pay some more money that according to the legal documents, I don't have to. Hard to explain, and this is not an appropriate forum. But I need peace of mind . . . and I don't have it!! Money is not my concern. Not really. To make this generous gesture will give me the peace of mind I need! And I can't explain it, but karmically, I feel I must do this.

I am "homeless" now . . . sortof! I have a place to sleep, and to live (a good place). But I now no longer have a place that is exclusively mine. And I said good-bye to my land yesterday! Just one more letting go!! And whereas my Ex, when he left, and after the divorce, had somewhere to go, and someone to hold him, and give comfort . . . I spent last night alone, in a strange house (I'm house-sitting), and now I'm alone in my new place for 10 days (house-mate is visiting her daughter). I'm up-rooted, haven't slept much . . . . and generally feel completely burned out. Classes started this week, and they are going to be very difficult! Somehow before next Wednesday I need to commit a lot of new anatomy terminology to memory.

Last night I even briefly entertained the idea to call my oldest friend, my Ex, and talk to him. Mostly, because I so desperately needed comfort . . . and there is none to give it to me. But I doubt he can give it either . . . because he doesn't want to. I am where I am, because he chose to leave me. I am where I am, because life has pushed me to a brink, and I had to jump, and hope these wings I have were strong enough to hold me up. But the thought did enter my mind.

And I have to go to work in about an hour.

I'm ready to get into a new routine now.

Several people were instrumental in helping me make this move! I'll blog about all that later, once I have time. For now, I still feel rushed, and disoriented.

And I feel terribly lonely . . .

. . . and there is nothing I can do about it!