End of the Semester
As I write this, I'm sitting in the livingroom of my sister, with my two nieces. One (the younger) is about to go to sleep in her "nest" she's made on the floor. She was playing with a little electronic game I brought with me. She let her old auntie have her bed. I remember myself being tossed outta my own room and bed when relatives visited when I was growing up. The other (the older) is typing away on her laptop. We are both tapped into the WiFi.
It's nice to be here!!!! It has now been one year since I was laid off from my previous job. This past year has seen a lot of change for me. I did find work after a couple scary months. The new job was in La Crosse, and eventually I sold my home and moved to La Crosse. I'm living with a really great house-mate, so I'm not living alone. I'll be meeting her two daughters when I get back from my visit here. I'm on a course of education that will open a door to a much better future for me.
I was here with my sister and her family last year, crying, scared . . . and generally a nervous wreck. This year I'm more happy. I've made many changes, and I have many new goals. I just got word today that I have passed my Anatomy class with an A. I had previously finished my Medical Terminology class, also with an A. It was a lot of hard work, but it is now accomplished, and I can have a couple weeks off to relax before the spring semester gets underway.
Sometimes I think about the past. There is a terribly dark space that I have to force myself to avoid. However, the emotions sometimes force themselves to the forefront, late at night. They did a couple weeks ago. I must embrace my accomplishments, and strive to move forward. Maybe someday I can truly release those emotions, through a sense of forgiveness. I'm not there yet. Not even close.
My sister today told me that sometimes my nieces do miss their uncle, for he made the visits fun by playing with them. I can't reconcile this either. He'd probably say I was to blame for souring his ability to come here. Mostly, it's my family, what there is of it, showing me compassion for the pain they know I have felt. The wounds don't go away . . . not really. With time, they hurt less. But they are still there.
I look forward to the day when I can think of the past, and not feel the negative. Love charts that path! And I am hopeful someday I can be there again.
It's nice to be here!!!! It has now been one year since I was laid off from my previous job. This past year has seen a lot of change for me. I did find work after a couple scary months. The new job was in La Crosse, and eventually I sold my home and moved to La Crosse. I'm living with a really great house-mate, so I'm not living alone. I'll be meeting her two daughters when I get back from my visit here. I'm on a course of education that will open a door to a much better future for me.
I was here with my sister and her family last year, crying, scared . . . and generally a nervous wreck. This year I'm more happy. I've made many changes, and I have many new goals. I just got word today that I have passed my Anatomy class with an A. I had previously finished my Medical Terminology class, also with an A. It was a lot of hard work, but it is now accomplished, and I can have a couple weeks off to relax before the spring semester gets underway.
Sometimes I think about the past. There is a terribly dark space that I have to force myself to avoid. However, the emotions sometimes force themselves to the forefront, late at night. They did a couple weeks ago. I must embrace my accomplishments, and strive to move forward. Maybe someday I can truly release those emotions, through a sense of forgiveness. I'm not there yet. Not even close.
My sister today told me that sometimes my nieces do miss their uncle, for he made the visits fun by playing with them. I can't reconcile this either. He'd probably say I was to blame for souring his ability to come here. Mostly, it's my family, what there is of it, showing me compassion for the pain they know I have felt. The wounds don't go away . . . not really. With time, they hurt less. But they are still there.
I look forward to the day when I can think of the past, and not feel the negative. Love charts that path! And I am hopeful someday I can be there again.
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