This and That

I now give you . . . a bunch of water flowers, a mountain, and me!
You will not find a more beautiful nor fragrant flower than the water lilly. OK, maybe you can . . . but you certainly cannot deny the picture below is just lovely! Water lillies are quite interesting in that they have a memory. When plucked and placed in water, they continue to close up at night, and then open each day, for the number of days that they stay fresh. Click on the image below to see a close up . . . it is worth it!

I had these pictures on my camera . . . on the "hard" memory of my camera. I have a cord for downloading, somewhere . . . . somewhere I'm sure nice and safe in my storage shed . . . but I simply could not find it even having looked two times. So I broke down and purchased a new one so I could download these pictures. Sometimes I forget and don't put the memory card in, so capture pictures on the hard memory. The downloading dock is also somewhere in the storage shed . . . I'm sure someplace nice and safe! Safe from me anyways!

I've had the below image on my camera since May when I went to Oregon. SIGH!!!! I wish I could go now!!!! That state has made me heart sick. I feel an incredibly strong urge to move there. Once done with school . . . unless something totally spectacular and unexpected happens (and at this point incredibly unlikely) I shall leave Wisconsin forever and go there. The image below is of Mount Hood, taken from the airplane window as I flew over. There are so many spectacular mountains in the Pacific Northwest!

And finally, me as a Smurf! Today was the last day of Summer Clinicals. For the last four weeks we have been rounding at the local hospitals, observing, asking questions, learning, doing simple assessments of patients. We now have a bit more than four weeks off. These will be the final weeks that I work full-time. Once school starts up again I'll be dropping hours to only work Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. I really have to devote my full attention each class day, as I did work and do clinicals some these last few weeks . . . and it was exhausting! Students wear this obvious colored scrubs. There is a WTC badge on my left shoulder, that you cannot see in the picture. The stethoscope is my own and will be a permanent part of my working uniform as a Respiratory Therapist. Those who look can also note the reading glasses. It finally happened! My eyes realized that I'm 43! The close-up vision for reading or fine work is difficult now . . . . and sometimes I have to squint at medical charts to verify information . . . and attempt to read doctor's scrawl. The scrubs will be washed and hung up now for awhile. We'll return to the classroom when the fall semester starts up on August 27 for about four weeks, but will return to clinicals. I'm excited! The last year is about to get fully underway. I've been here in La Crosse for about a year now. Time moves on! I'm anxious to finish . . . so my life can move on as well!

Peregrine Close-up

Here is an even more clear image of the peregrine that flew over all us humans watching from below. Phil's wife, Laurie, takes credit for this very nice picture. They have a really nice camera, and Laurie often documents the falconry adventures of her husband. What a beautiful bird! It's even more wonderful in that she is a wild bird! Free!

More Wild Falcon Pictures

Just as I was about to close up my laptop and head outta Paneras, where I am on this Sunday morning, I got e-mails from my friend Dave with pictures he took yesterday with his much nicer camera. Above you can see the falcon that flew over the bluff where we were overlooking the action. This is a completely wild bird! She hovered in place checking us out, probably just as curious about us as we were to watch her.

Here is the nest box attached to the smoke stack where the young falcons were reared this year.

Here are two of the young sitting on top of the power pole. The one on the left, in true juvenile fashion, has laid down. It's just too tiring to stand up all the time like an adult!

Here one of the birds sits on the handrail. They fly all around the area, since they "own" the place. There are pigeons too . . . who try to avoid them as much as possible.

Here is another angle of the group that went over the edge down the bluff to inspect the ledge they hope in the future will be used as a permanent nesting location, once the problem of how to keep racoons off that ledge can be solved.

Falconry Picnic

The Tri-State Falconry picnic was an opportunity for members of the three falconry clubs from Wisconsin, Minnesota and Iowa to come together and meet and greet, but also was selected in the location that it was held to focus attention on the now successful efforts of many people, though especially the Raptor Resource Project headed by Robert Anderson. Bob has been working for many years to re-establish populations of wild peregrines throughout the Eastern United States. He has worked closely with multiple power companies (see his website) to place nestboxes on many of their power plant smoke stacks. Boxes have also been placed in cities. Now he is happy to report that many falcon pairs are relocating to the natural cliffs to nest, where they belong, and from where they have been absent for so many years. This final step begins to fully restore the wild population.
The location of our picnic placed us in a corridore to see several successful nests. Attention was primarily focused on the powerplant just south of Lansing, Iowa. As we arrived we were able to see two of the young peregrines sitting on the powerpole above. Some of the folks there had much better cameras than mine . . . and they promised to send me some pictures. As soon as I have them I'll post them.

The main purpose of the visit this day, other than seeing wild peregrines, of which we saw several, was to watch and help Bob Anderson as he scaled down the cliff overlooking this powerplant to assess the nesting cliff. It is a perfect cliff and attracts birds, but racoons seem to find it each year, and destroy the eggs. The Raptor Resource Project is trying to figure out what they could do to this ledge to protect it from predation, so that nesting pairs could go on to be successful, and raise their offspring.

Bob geared up, and a couple other people as well. We climbed to the top of the overlooking cliff, and after these three went over the edge, we all just lounged about and watched the sky. We saw the family of peregrines fly by from time to time, and at one point, one of the adult birds soared over the cliff, hovered in the sky looking down at us as we looked up at it. Several pictures were taken. Again, once I get copies I'll post them.

Once the folks on ropes got to the bottom, we pulled the ropes back up, and made our way back the way we came. They drove up from below to meet us.

It was a nice diversion to look at wild peregrines, and enjoy the day. It was a very nice day! Robert says all the successful nestboxes overlook large bodies of water. This one overlooks the Mississippi.

Tri-State Falconry Picnic

Finally! The Ladyhawker has something hawk-related to blog about! Above is "Sage" a passage Prairie Falcon that Phil acquired from another falconer recently. He'll be learning how to fly a longwing this fall.

On Saturday July 12 there was a picnic for the tri-state falconry clubs between Wisconsin, Minnesota and Iowa. The weather was beautiful! So much so that I think a lot of folks were off doing other things, for there were not as many people attending as perhaps were hoped for. However, gas is expensive, so maybe the drive was too far for many folks. If it had not been for Phil above, and Dianne who brought her education eagle, it would have been an all-goshawk day. Three falconers brought their imprint goshawks to show off.

Look at those beautiful eyes! All three goses were still young enough that their true wild nature has not yet manifested. Good luck to those falconers that will be continuing to work with them and get them chasing game very soon.

Dan Orth brought "Daisy".

A falconer from Iowa, Ray Conn, brought "Bandit".

There was a third bird in attendance as well.

Spinning Wheels

So often . . . when faced with intense emotions . . . I write. Sometimes the focus of the writing is to someone. Most of the time, it's just a faceless audience. So much of the time I feel that what I write falls upon deaf ears. I get so little feedback from this forum, with a few notable exceptions, that I wonder if anyone is reading it at all. But the counter at the bottom ticks ever up, so someone must be coming here.

It's the 4th of July, 2008. Today was one of those rare days that I had off completely. There was no school today, and this is not one of my holidays that I have to work. The day was going along fairly well. I made a point of getting out and going and doing something. It's never good when I have time on my hands to just sit here idle.

I went to Riverfest . . . a summer celebration held yearly here in La Crosse. I went out, got a bit roasted, bought and ate some 'bad for you' fair food, and saw some entertainment. There was a pretty cool (though his jokes were rather corny) juggler. He was very good looking! I'm rather sure someone has snagged him . . . and I just am not the type to walk up and flirt. He was very good at juggling, including a brief stint with three (count em . . . 3) bowling balls. There was a karate demo, which I watched while waiting for the shows to start. I then caught a trained dog show . . . mostly frisbee dogs, but all very good. Along the way I saw and went up to the Commodore. Every year a person of note in the community is given the privilege of being the Commodore . . . kind of the king PR guy. They hand out buttons with their names, and the year they are Commodor. There were two of them . . . the current Commodor, and last years. They both gave me a pin for my blouse, putting it on themselves, and then distracted me with a raised hat, both planted a peck on my cheek. I thought it rather quaint!

I returned home and cleaned up the place a bit. My 'nube is shedding like mad . . . and doing so all over the house. I vacuumed. Liz was having company over.

This is part of my disquiet. I introduced her to one of the online dating sites. She's been out there for only a short time . . . and has already met someone that she seems to be hitting it off with rather nicely. I've had my name out there on multiple sites for two years . . . and most of the people I've met just really were not interested in me . . . . or there was some very glaring thing that I found wrong with them. He's here visiting for the weekend. I stuck around for dinner . . . as we had grilled steaks. But afterwards I made myself scarce. After all . . . it's her house. She tells me I don't have to leave . . . but I've been in this situation before . . . being a 'third wheel' . . . . it brings up way too many emotions that were going on in my marriage, just before he left, and prior to the big event that forever sundered my relationship with him and my former best girlfriend.

I've been too often in the position of not being wanted. It's starting to get very wearying. For whatever reason, I feel that during this time in my life I'm supposed to walk alone. But it doesn't help when I feel very little to NO support anywhere. My family is far away, and most never provided much in the way of emotional support anyway. What few friends I have also live far away. I'm here . . . . facing some of the hardest decisions I've had to make, living them, working my ass off to make a new life for myself . . . . and doing so . . . . by myself.

I was coping OK today . . . I left after dinner and called my girlfriend down in Illinois (Hi Darla!!) and then took myself and found a spot to watch the fireworks. I found a pretty good place on the top floor of one of the parking garages downtown. I waited for it to get dark, and was able to position my car pretty good, so I could see, and stick near my car, and had it tuned to the station that was going to play the music for the show. Well . . . . there was a large, and getting larger by the minute, crowd of obnoxious, drinking, boorish college kids. La Crosse is a college town. They had their radio turned up playing some obnoxious rap crap. As the show started I turned my radio up so I (and anyone around me that wanted to) could hear the music that was played for the show. It was your standard assortment of patriotic songs. Well . . . the crowd of drunk idiots at least turned theirs off . . . but during the show, one particulary brazen asshole walked over and reached into my car and turned it off. I passed him as he was getting out of my car, and stated it was the music to the show. He mumbled some incoherent complaint about "that crap music". Well . . . I turned it back on, and stood near my car so he could not come back. But the crowd of drunk idiots proceeded to be loud and obnoxious during the whole show.

Even watching a patriotic and public show, with the music intended for it . . . I'm an outsider! I got the sense that if they started anything, none of the people around would intervene.

Once the show was done . . . I got in and left quickly. I don't want a confrontation. But it pissed me off.

I feel so terribly out of place here! There is an incredible urge to leave, and to go. At this point the goal seems to be Oregon. I so hope that I will find my "home" there . . . . for I've been uprooted for so long, and I feel like I'm drifting. I struggle with the emotion that if anything happened to me . . . very few would miss me. A counselor would probably make some good money off me . . . if I only consented to go to one. I've stopped making an effort to meet anyone, any men, for I just seem to be beating my head up against a wall. I've deactivated what dating sites I was on. My heart is tired of being bruised by rejection. I'm lonely . . . . . and there doesn't seem to be much in the way of comfort for me!

I finished my Summer I class, and got for the first time in my college career, a B. I'm currently in my Summer II clinicals. This past week I spent a full day both at Gundersen and at Franciscan Skemp. I'm now tagging along and observing what I'll be eventually trained to do. It was interesting! There is so much I must learn.

I'm anxious to get on with it. The sooner I accomplish this . . . the sooner I can leave.

I have a plan. On my left shoulder is a kestrel tattoo . . . . it is my 'totem' . . . an animal that I feel a kindred and spiritual connection to. When I am done with my training, and tested and certified and licensed, and MOVED, and establish myself in some new place, a new job, and put down new roots . . . . I will have a phoenix on my right . . . to symbolize my rebirth.

I hope it is a rebirth!

I hope once I get there . . . that I can pick up a normal life. That I can make friends that will stay, that will want to stay. People that will want to talk to me, want to spend time with me. And I hope some day that there will again be someone to love me. My house-mate barely started to try . . . and she is now upstairs, in her bed, in the arms of someone who by all appearances is very interested in her.

It's been so long . . . . . . . I've not known this for myself. There are some nights I feel very weak and depressed. Tonight is one of them.

I'd hate to think that whole world of belonging is no longer someplace that I will get to live in ever again.